Blog

As we saw in the last Encourager: courageous leaders facilitate conflicts; they do not resolve them. At first glance, this may seem paradoxical: leaders are doers, so shouldn’t they also solve problems? The result, however, is that we take people out of responsibility for their own actions. No development is possible this way.
When leaders consciously facilitate conflicts, however, the people who created the conflict themselves contribute to finding a solution. In our experience, solutions developed in this way have much more power.
How does it work? The process is based on the “Seven Transformations of Leadership” and “Courageous Leadership,” the first two parts of this article. It consists of three steps.

Step 1: Articulate the tension

When a conflict arises, we do not try to resolve it. Instead, we present both sides of the tension as equally valid. For illustration, we will use an interpersonal conflict as an example, but the method can be applied to all types of conflicts.

Example:
Person A feels that Person B does not value them. Person B believes that people are paid for their work and do not always need to be praised. Instead of working toward a compromise, we create a space for solutions for the opposing parties by presenting the tension from our own perspective. This step is important, and this is where the true leadership lies: it is not the people involved who present their view of things. We do that. No search for causes, no reinforcing explanations from those involved, no dwelling on the past—instead, a space for solutions for the future, which we make visible and shapeable through the tension:

We emphasize that both parties are acting in good faith and with the best of intentions (meaning they are both in “+” mode). We will not go any further at this point.

Step 2: Explain the consequences

In a second step, we ask about the consequences:
“Imagine nothing changes—what will happen then?”

Possible answers might include:

•“I can’t keep working with him like this.”
•“That’s driving me crazy.” etc.

It’s important here that people become aware of the consequences of their actions. We don’t need to be afraid that they’ll do this. Adults are capable of making their own decisions. They’re perfectly capable of handling conflicts and are more resilient than we give them credit for. But we simply don’t give them enough credit, and by imposing our own solutions, we also deprive them of the experience of growing independently. Leadership that lacks courage destroys potential. Or, to stay with the metaphor of the “Seven Transformations of Leadership”: if we are merely “doers,” transformation is not possible.

Step 3: Ask open-ended questions

Now comes the third, decisive step: we guide the participants toward finding their own solutions by asking open-ended questions. The first question is always: “What is the one thing you, as a person, can change?”

The answer will be: “Myself.” It’s important that we show backbone here and stand firm on this point: everyone involved has contributed to the situation. So they can also take concrete steps to defuse it. We can then ask further questions along these lines:

•“What specific steps can you take to defuse the situation?”
•“What could you do less of to see the situation differently?” etc.

When conflicts are mediated in this way, they can be resolved more effectively than if we, as leaders, give in to the impulse to find compromises ourselves. This clearly illustrates why less leadership often achieves more—and why the “doer” as a leadership model should gradually be phased out.

But what do we do if a + + – relationship doesn’t seem to be forming in the first step? Well, talk to us: there are countless ways to stick with the three steps anyway and still arrive at good solutions.

Best regards,
Michael Kres
ProMove TM